A Letter For the Books

ENTERTAINMENT

Ganito Ka Rin Ba Mag-English?

(To whoever gets to understand this letter, CONGRATULATIONS!)

The following is a letter found at a certain bar in Manila and has been preserved to its original unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may try to direct translation is Tagalog, Pls. read with feelings……

October 1996
To Marije,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you why? What reason can you think about but you’re very fat body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I’m realize that he really can’t not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you’re habit of making pakialam all his walks (lakad) and always calling to their house what he got home or this or that.

And then he say he get ashame to me either in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you’re very very, very fat body. But you hate it. Thought you’re the most preetiest girls he knows about. What do you think you are “Beautiful Girl” of Jose Mari Chan?

Even you are beautiful face ( to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else difference name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I’m never call you names either in the front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, I don’t have any other choice but to call you other different name to. Like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you’re body that is to a BUDING.

You can’t not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I am the more sexier that you when you look to us in the mirror. I’m repeat again that you are like Lozada when she is a girl.

Love,
The sexiest Girl of D.M.
P.S.
You say that I’m the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? And the final is me. There you go.

Reaction:

              When I first read this article, it really made me laugh. Although it was funny, I also felt sorry for the one who wrote this letter. I knew she tried her best to write a good in English language but just came up short. It made me realize that there are really people out there who are not getting the proper education about the language. I hope that by now, she has improved her language skills.

My Corrected Version:

October 1996

Dear Marije,

I am neither surprised nor shocked that Dennis left you. Why? It’s simple. What reason can you think of other than your very fat body? Before, I thought that Dennis was only using me as his toy or replacement for you but sooner, I realized that the real reason is because he can’t tolerate to be with you anymore. First of all, he couldn’t stand your habit of interfering with whatever his appointments are and another is for always calling at their house just to check if he's already home.

He also told me that he is ashamed of you not only in his school but also with his family because of your very fat body. That is the reason why he asked you to exercise but you hate doing it. Why? Do you think you have a pretty face that’s why you don’t need to exercise anymore? Come on, think again. Oh yes, you think that you’re the prettiest girl he knows, right? Duh? Who do you think you are, the beautiful girl being referred to in one of Jose Mari Chan’s songs?

Even if you have a beautiful face (like what you think), you do not have any right to call me with whatever you want just for the sole purpose of insulting my personality because I never called you insulting names in front of Dennis’ face and not even without his knowledge. If I ever hear you calling me with different names again, I guess I don’t have any other choice but to do the same to you as well. I’ll call you names such as PIG, FAT, OBESE, OVERWEIGHT and an UGLY-SHAPED girl. Shame on your fat body.

You can't blame Dennis for choosing me over you. It’s obvious that I’m sexier than you even when you compare both of us in the mirror. And by the way, you look like Lozada if he was just a girl.

Love,

The sexiest girl of D.M.

P.S. You say that I have a bad breath but duh, who does Dennis want to kiss? Is it me or you? The answer is obviously me because I’m with him now. There you go. Enjoy being slapped with truths.